The
hotel I love like a fatherland is in a large European port city, and
the heavy gold antiqua letters in which its banal name shines out over
the roofs of the houses clustered beneath it, looks to my eye like a
lot of little metal flags, flags that don’t flutter, but stand at
attention and shine to greet me. Just as other men return to hearth and
home, to wife and child, so I return to chandelier and lobby,
chambermaid and porter – and each time I have such a consummate
experience of the ceremonial of coming home, that the alternative
version, of the rigmarole of arriving in a hotel, seems never to get a
look in. The look with which the porter welcomes me is more than a
father’s embrace. And as if he really were my father, he pays my cab
out of his own waistcoat pocket, so that I don’t even have to think
about it. The majordomo in his tails steps out of his glazed box, and
smiles more than he bows. It appears my arrival causes him such
delight, that his back imparts friendliness to his lips, and the
professional and the human are both present in his welcome. He wouldn’t
dream of asking me to register; that’s how well he understands that I
view this legal requirement as a personal insult. He will fill in my
registration form afterwards, when I’m in my room, in his own hand,
even though he has no idea where I come from. According to his mood, he
will write down some name or other, and one of the cities he esteems
worthy of having entertained me. My details are more familiar to him
than they are to me. I expect various other men with the same name
occasionally come and stay at the hotel. But he doesn’t know their
details, and they always strike him as a little suspicious, as though
they were illegal usurpers of my name. The lift-boy takes my suitcase
under his arm. I imagine an angel would furl his wings in like manner.
No one asks me how long I intend to stay, whether for an hour or a
year: the fatherland is content either way. The porter whispers to me:
“627! Is that all right with you?” as if I knew as well as he did what
sort of room that was…
Well – and I do know! I love the “impersonal” quality of this room,
as a monk may love his cell. And just as others may be happy to see
their pictures again, and their plates and spoons, and children and
bookshelves, so I greet the cheap wallpaper, the gleaming, innocent
china of the ewer and basin, the shiny, spotless, metal taps, and the
wisest of all books: the phone directory. Of course, my room never
faces out the back. It’s the room of a regular guest, there is nothing
opposite it, and still it faces out on to the street. Opposite me are:
a chimney, the sky, and a cloud… But still, it isn’t so remote either,
but that the noise of the large, nearby square might not reach my walls
as an echo of the sweet world; in such a way that I am isolated, but
not solitary, alone and not abandoned, apart but not remote. When I
open the window, the world comes in. From afar I hear the hoarse sirens
of ships. Very near are the foolish jinglings of trams. Car horns seem
to call me by my name – they call up to me as to a popular president.
The policeman stands at the centre, and controls everything. The
newspaper boys toss up the names of their papers like tennis balls. And
little street scenes enact themselves like dramolets. A push on the
button of imitation ivory, and at the back of the corridor, a green
light flashes on, a signal for the waiter. And here he is already! His
professional diligence is confined to his tailcoat – in his heart
underneath, under the starched shirt front, lives human warmth.
Specially kept for me, tended during the whole time of my absence. When
he calls the kitchen way down in the depths with my order, he won’t
forget to say who it’s for, and just as my pressing the button has
caused a green light to flash up in the corridor, so the sound of my
name will evoke in the chef’s memory a particular recollection of my
preferences regarding this or that. The waiter smiles. He has no need
to speak, with me. He doesn’t need to ask any question. There is no
possibility of any error. He is already so familiar with me, he would
be perfectly prepared to be tipped on tick, as it were – with a little
interest payable. His faith in the inexhaustibleness of the sources of
my income is itself inexhaustible. And if I turned up in rags as a
beggar, that to him would be a droll disguise. He knows I’m only a
writer. But even so he gives me credit…
I pick up the phone. Not to make a call – only to say hello to the
operator downstairs at the hotel switchboard. He connects me swiftly
and frequently. He says I’m out. He warns me. In the morning, he tells
me of important news items in the paper. And when the postman is on his
way to me with a money order, he announces him to me with a discreet
jubilation. He is an Italian. The waiter is an Austrian. The porter is
a Frenchman from Provence. The maitre d’ is from Normandy. The
headwaiter is a Bavarian. The chambermaid is a Swiss. The handyman is a
Dutchman. The manager is a Levantine; and for years I’ve suspected the
chef of being a Czech. The hotel guests come from the remaining parts
of the world. Continents and seas, islands and peninsulas, ships,
Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Mohammedans and even dissidents – all are
represented in the hotel. The cashier adds, subtracts, counts out,
cheats in all languages, converts any currency. Relieved of the
constraints of patriotism, of the crassness of national feeling, on
holiday somewhat from their local pride, people come together here, and
at least give the appearance of being what they should always be:
children of the world. In a moment, I will go downstairs – and that
will be my proper arrival. The maitre d’ will come up to tell me his
news, and to listen to mine. His interest is entirely in me, just as
the astronomer’s is fixed on the moment the comet breaks the horizon.
Have I changed? Or am I in fact the same in any way? His eye, as
delicate and precise as a telescope, takes in the cut of my suit, the
condition of my boots – and his assurance: “Delighted to see you
looking so well!” refers less to my health than to the appearance of my
liquidity. Yes, you’re still the same man, is what that compliment
really means. – Thank the Lord you’ve not yet sunk so far that you have
to go to a different hotel. You are our guest and our child! Kindly
remain so!

My interest, in turn, is in everything to do with the hotel, as
though I stood to inherit shares in it. How is business just now? Which
ships are expected this month? Is the old waiter still alive? Has the
manager been unwell? Have no international hotel thieves been through?
– All these matters preoccupy me now! I would like to be shown the
books, and tot up the earnings and outgoings. Am I in any way different
from the man who out of patriotism reads up on the budget of his
country, the political orientation of its ministers, the health of the
head of state, the organisation of the police, the equipment of the
armed forces, the number of new battleships ordered for the navy? I am
a citizen of the hotel, a hotel patriot.
Soon, soon will come the moment when the porter will reach into a
little pigeon hole somewhere, and pull out a bundle of letters,
telegrams and periodicals for me. A swift look flies from the porter’s
desk to me, the herald of the news. The letters are old, but still new
to me. They have been waiting for me a long time. In some cases, I
already know their content, I have learned it from other sources. But
who knows?! Among the letters I can guess at, there may be others that
surprise me, that perhaps upset me, cause me to alter my course. How
can the porter smile at me with such equanimity as he passes me the
letters? His calm is the product of long experience, a bittersweet,
parental wisdom. He knows that there won’t be anything surprising, he
knows of the monotony of an ambient life, and no one knows so well as
he does the ridiculousness of my vague, romantic notions. He knows the
travellers by their luggage, and the letters by their envelopes. “Here
is your post!” he says with indifference. And yet, as he passes me the
bundle, his hand makes a courteous movement at the wrist, it seems to
bow, in accordance with ancient custom, a rite of porters’ hands…
I stop in the lobby, and sit down. It is home and world, exotic and
familiar, a picture gallery sans ancestors! Here I begin to write about
my friends, the hotel staff. They are such characters, every one!
Cosmopolites! Adepts in human nature! Linguists and
depth-psychologists! No internationalism can touch theirs! They are the
true internationalists! (It’s only with the shareholders of the hotel
that patriotism begins.)
I begin by describing my friend, the porter.
(Frankfurter Zeitung, 19 January 1929) German title is 'ANKUNFT IM HOTEL', from 1929.
In English published by Prague Writer's Festival, Hotel Josef home of the Prague Writers' Festival