Hana Andronikova, Milena Findeis at Hotel Josef
During November and December 2010 making the documentation about Hana, at Hotel Josef Prague. Photo by Monika Le Fay.

31/3/2010 it was so good to see you at archa, glad you came and felt your support. thank you for the link, i will check it out when i'm back in prague. the funeral was fine, the family got together and it was quite pleasant to see all my relatives. leaving for prague tomorrow, hope to see you soon. :-)
29/7/2010 how are you? how do you feel? i have been thinking of you since our last chat quite often, you are in my prayers. here all is good, lots of news but manageable, my mother is now going through her 4th chemo, she is very brave, physically it is a lot to bear but her spirit is high, she never loses her sense of humour which is the best healing asset. i am in a wheelchair now - no kidding - i distorted my ankle and tore some tendons so i have a cast for 5 weeks, no walking allowed, and they threatened with an operation... well, it is not what i planned for this summer but it is reality and it is ok, instead of riding a bike i will write since there is not much i can do anyway :-)))) my new book is finished, i will send you the cover, it will be out in september. tell me your news, whenever you have time.
10/8/2010 thanks for the cover, your photo is great, that´s how we met, through your photographs :-) !!!! it is great to hear that j. is allowed to locomotives, i love the way he´s persuing his passion!, it is important to be heard by the ones we love. i am in prague, my mother is taking treatment here in prague at apolinar hospital, and i am supposed to take care of her :-))) well, i don´t need much help for the time being, i can take care of myself and even of my mother for a couple of days when she is not well after the chemo, the only thing we need is someone to do the shopping. i have a few friends living here in prague 6 and they are all willing to help. it is good to have many friends :-) have a great time in austria, and when you come back we´ll celebrate your birthday - here we go again, another year has passed - where the time goes? 
28/2/2011 since january relaps, meta in lungs and chest vertebra, managing pain, my mother moved in with me, trying her best, i still feel that it is possible to heal even though now it needs a bit more of a miracle than the last time. neurosurgery needed immediately to save me from pain and give me a chance to stay here longer :-) you are in my prayers, all of you, the prayer is the easiest one earth: please forgive me, i love you, thank you for everything.
11/3/2011 my darling soul sister, i have my mother with me here, she takes care of me so well, she is so loving and so kind and i sometimes feel that only through her love alone i could heal... well, i can see our family pattern here, our mission here: how do you take care of someone and still keep your needs met and balanced... that is the question... somehow we tend to overdo the sacrifice part... how are you? i hope all is well with you. i feel you with me, my soul sis, your quiet strength.
12/3/2011 still remain in bed, most of the time, will let you know when i have enough strenght for visit. would love to see you.
9/4/2011 things have moved forward, monday will be in hospital, tuesday preparation and wednesday 13th neurosurgery of the spine, so the prayers will take place around that time. alice will coordinate.
4/5/2011 my dear soul sister, i keep looking at the precious flower of india and keep thanking you and praying for you. do you have any idea how to take care of it? how is it called? how often do i water it and so on. can you please give me advice?
24/5/2011 i was in the hospital last week, they didn't do much about the pain i have but gave me first dose of chemotherapy. my sister was here for the weekend which was a big help since i needed a lot of care, i had high fever and pain in all my bones and muscles (apart from the pain in the breast) which are the side effects of the chemo... now i feel better, but i still have to wait for the chemo to start working on the pain. i hope it will be soon. i am so grateful for all your love and prayers.
27/5/2011 your words always come at the right time. i'm doing my best, you know me, brushing off pain slowly, you are here with me, all the time, holding my hand, we walk in the clouds, we travel through time. you are giving me faith. thank you so much for being here.
22/6/2011 i've had a second round of chemo on friday, it seems that the worst is behind me, the pain is less and less and i can even get some good hours of sleep, so i feel much more positive. i am beginning to see the light again and am able to meditate for a couple of minutes here and there which feels like a huge victory. it is still nothing compared to what i could do in the past but god i am so grateful for every little step forward! i think i might be up for a visit in a few weeks - i mean it would be so nice to see you again. thinking of you lots, especially now as the birds go wild with their evening chatter!
24/6/2011 good to hear from you. we are leaving for my friends summer house at berounka river tomorrow, we plan to be back next sunday or so before i go for my next chemo on july 8th. so we might be able to see each other after that, probably at the second half of july, sometime. lets see how things develop.
6/8/2011 i love the way your eye catches  the worlds around, flashes of eternity like insights into my soul. my heart beats faster as i travel on your train. happy birthday!!! and enjoy styria, my soul sister.
11/9/2011 welcome back! and thank you for your wishes!well, i spent the morning of my birthday in hospital getting a special cocktail straight into my vein (6th round of chemo) and for the rest of the day i celebrated my birth into this current form in the position of a sleeping warrior :-)i'm much better today, going through ups and downs but overall pushing myself towards life, i hope. i found out that it became quite hard for me to be loving towards myself, towards my wounds, toward my life as it is right now. i'm working on changing that since it is impossible to recover when one hates herself. i'm also working on changing my beliefs about the disease - which is equally hard because the whole society is set to believe that some things are simply impossible and people around me reflect that. your prayers are the best support i can get and your trust that miracles are possible at any stage is priceless. i feel you with me.
12/9/2011 thank you for your words. and the picture of j. in the garden, the living answer. i love seeing the world through your eyes. and i can see he's grown into a man. i can feel your awe and share it. there is no need for a plan since the divine one unfolds without our interventions. just watching it manifesting is the whole quest here. as hafiz says: there is nothing but the divine movement in this world. the moments i realize this i am free. i'm beginning to see more light, around and inside as well. i don't know how much time is left for me but the moment i feel it doesn't matter - i relax into a place where everything already exists. there is grace in surrender. in acceptance.
20/9/2011thank you for the song and the story about angels, it touched me very deeply. i've got some news i feel i want to share with you. but don't worry, it's not as dramatic as it sounds. last friday my oncologist confirmed something i knew already: that the chemo is not working. so that part is over. no more poison. the classical medicine is done with me. well, thank god. and i'm done with it. in fact, i'm relieved. obviously knowing there is nothing more they can offer is very liberating. there will be no more pushing from friends and loved ones, no more fighting. just accepting what is. resting in the now and surrendering into the arms of existence :-)i feel peaceful, the inner struggle is gone, i feel whole. there's no split in me as there is nowhere to run or no puzzle to solve. my life is not in my hands and yet i feel more empowered then ever. and i'm ready to use this time to enjoy myself as much as i can. instead of hurting my body i'm going to pamper it. joy is the mantra of the are in my thoughts and prayers, so is j. love.


love is the funeral pyre.
where the heart must lay its body.
my heart is with you.
i'm approaching the end of this cycle.
why do we call it death when in fact it's waking up?
i pray for peaceful transition and yet
i'm ashamed that i still pray and want something for myself.
the thought of going home soothing.
so let's not grieve. let's celebrate!

29/12/2011 At the funeral there have been no speeches, only songs. It has been a sunny day.
24/6/2013 From Monika Le Fay I have been informed that Hana's mother died.
In July 2015 I met Rachel Feingold in Prague and Zlín, she edited and adapted "The Sound of the Sundial" and plans to write a novel about herself and Hana Andronikova. 
Any list of the top five Czech novels since the fall of communism should include The Sound of the Sundial by Hana Andronikova. This epic love story takes us from pre-war Czechoslovakia to India and then back into the maelstrom of Europe during World War Two, as the young Czech-German engineer Thomas and his Jewish wife Rachel are swept on the tide of twentieth century history. Now for the first time this powerful and moving novel is available in English translation. David Vaughan spoke to Rachel Feingold, who edited and adapted the book for publication in the United States. August 2015 David Vaughan
19/12/2015 Eva Riesslerová, Hanas' sister invites friends to remember Hana and to embrace life  "Nebe Hany Andronikové je bezedné" 




25.1.2021 Im Schattenriss der entbehrten Zärtlichkeit - geben, wenn es ohne äußeren Widerhall bleibt. Den Blindwiderstand nutzend – verstehend lernen.

Zwischen (W) Orte

2021 - weiter, wie?

Innenschau einer Leserin

Perspektiven aus der Innenschau einer Leserin -  es wird sich vieles ändern, ich will lernend und lesend dabei sein.